If you think about it, stepparents get a bad rap… It is also hard work to be a stepparent.
When you have your own child, you are not held liable to anyone else (save, maybe, the parent). When you are helping to raise your significant other’s children, you are in tough territory.
While me and my man are not married yet, I already consider myself the stepmother to his children. They come down every other weekend, and I love these kids like they were my own. They are the sweetest children and they finally grew to like me. When they get here they will always run up to me and give me hugs and kisses. They are just so sweet.
Their mother and I are not friends though. While I have never been in that situation, I think I can understand how she feels. I mean, these are children that she brought into this world and when they were born they both thought that they would be raising them together. However, his ex-wife is crazy. And I mean crazy. She harasses, stalks, threatens, everything. She tried to have him arrested for adultery after they were already split up and tried to have him arrested for child neglect because he left her… I mean, if he had left and left the kids alone in the house, that would be different, but he didn’t leave until she was at home with the kids and he told her he was leaving… He didn’t just walk out without a word. They had been having trouble for years and he had finally had enough.
Anyway, I am off topic.
I love these kids like they are my own, but I know they are not mine. I am not going to claim that they are. I will always make sure they know I love them just as much as I am going to love the children that I have. They are not going to be treated differently. I am never going to have them call me mom, momma, etc. Because I am not their mother. It would be a slap in the face for their mother if they were ever to do that. They are going to call me by name. I am not their mother. They will know that I am their stepmother and I am the mother of their half-siblings.
Their mother wanted to meet me once, and when I showed up, she went stark crazy. I mean she yelled and threw a fit saying that she did not want me to get out of my vehicle, so I didn’t. I stayed in there because I knew I’d want to punch her if I got out. Even when she finally said I could get out, I didn’t. It is not her place to tell me if I can or cannot leave my own vehicle in a public place.
If she would ever be mature and want to meet face to face, woman to woman, I would. I’d be nice and meet her, but she has not shown any morsel of intention to be civil and friendly.
Step parents chose to love the children of someone else as if they were their own. They treat them like their own, raise them as their own, everything. People do not seem to have a lot of respect for people like that. It is hard work. It really is. You are trying to love them and raise them as if they were your own while realizing that they are not yours. You have to watch everything you do because someone else may not like how you raise them and criticize you relentlessly saying that you are a bad parent.
It is just hard work.
I could really relate to this. I am engaged to someone with a 3 year old daughter. She says she doesn’t want a step mom because step moms are mean (thanks a lot Cinderella!). She is 100% okay with me marrying her dad (he asked her permission
) and is excited to be a flower girl, she just cringes at the word step mom. I keep explaining most step moms are nice, but to no avail. It is difficult having such strong feelings for her, loving her as though she were my own child, feeling that motherly instinct, but at the same time not being allowed to claim her as mine. I know she isn’t mine and I’d never want her to call me Mommy or think of me as her Mommy, it is just strange loving a child that way and then having all these boundaries step parents have. It it like your loyalty and how much you love the child and how you display this love is examined by everyone around you, but God forbid you say “my daughter”. They think (or maybe say), “she isn’t your daughter”. While at the same time, you are never ever supposed to show ANY sign you might not feel about her as you would your own child. It is so hard! If you do something as a step mom a “real” mom might do, it can be taken completely differently just because you didn’t give birth to the child. Her Mom and I had some really rough times, but now we are on better terms. I hope the same happens for you! This was kind of a rant, I know, but I wanted you to know you are not alone!
Cinderella did not do step moms justice!! My man has two sons, so thankfully they don’t know anything about Cinderella! Lol. I’m glad you and her mom are on better terms – that will make things so much better for her!! Unfortunately, I don’t think their mom and I will ever get along. Right now she is making it difficult for a divorce to happen, and we are terrified she is going to stop the process or something as we are wanting to get married before our baby is born. She doesn’t even know we are together let alone pregnant. If she knew we were together, she would definitely not let the divorce happen. We already know after the divorce is final and she finds out we are having a baby, sh*t is going to hit the fan with her.
This, too, is a rant. I’m sorry!!! I’m glad things have worked out for you!! I wish I knew of something that would help with the term “step mom” with your soon to be stepdaughter. But I can’t think of anything. :-/ Check out the kids book aisle in the book stores, usually they will have something that can help with ANY situation. Lol.